i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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