I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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