so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
