I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
