I can tuck mytits in my pants
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
