it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize