glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sext me about skeletons
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
