Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
