i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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