I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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