kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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