it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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