yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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