hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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