I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you would pick up someone in the library
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
