Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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