i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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