you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We are all done wearing pants today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
