the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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