I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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