And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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