Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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