She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
