Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
