That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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