your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
