Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
