my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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