I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
