well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
