By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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