I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
