Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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