You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
