Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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