My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
