i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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