hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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