Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
