new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you had me at cake vodka
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
