***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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