im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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