Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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