I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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