Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
