I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
