I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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