I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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