Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
