i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
