Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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