Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
