I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
