Have you finally orgasmed yet?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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