Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
