Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
