i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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