So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
