We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
