just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
