idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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