make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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