i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
