How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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