I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
