well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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