I puked a lego.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
